Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
