Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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