I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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