why didn't you poke me back
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
