Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
