There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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