I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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