using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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