my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize