I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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