Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
