Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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