Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
