maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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