All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
