reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
40s are totally the cure
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
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