someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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