worst night to have a conscience
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
