stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
