dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I would ride that face into the sunset
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
