Ambien. No doubt about it.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
