you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
