i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
