I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
