I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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