I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
