Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
