I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
