I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I've blown a few things in my day
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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