Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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