i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
