and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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