So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
