he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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