the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
