so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
