but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
