Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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