I am puke
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
