I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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