Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
