You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
