I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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