Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
