Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
