there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize