I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
