the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
