Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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