Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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