So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
