Someone shit on the floor
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
