I'm so fucking centered right now
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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