am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
