i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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