My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You took a bar mat shot.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
