i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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