we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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