after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
