U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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