one word: firstdatebathroomanal
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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