My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
