I could have mohawked her pubes.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize