I heard we made out
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
