I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
