More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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