You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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