I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
