I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Is it penis luge time yet?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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