Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I had to cum in my sink.
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