walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
