we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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