That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
