i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
